I'm due to have a baby in just a few days. And before I do, I wanted to capture my last few thoughts on life before becoming a mother. I know I've been carrying this little girl in my belly for nearly 40 weeks now, so technically I'm already a mama. But she's still safe and sound inside, so I have a little more time until she's out in this world and in my arms.
This is the strangest and scariest and most exciting thing I've ever prepared for. Knowing that any day now, I will have a child. I will me a mom. I will be responsible for another human being. Everything is going to change so much and that's quite unsettling. Sure, things will come back around eventually. I will recapture my creative spirit and once again make art and get back in shape and feel like "me" again. Our family will create a new normal and we'll be ok. But for a while, it's going to be all about baby, all the time. I know this will come with so much love and discovery. I know that our little girl will bring so much to our lives and we'll soon not know what life was like before her. We will adore our growing family, see life and love in a whole new way and be so happy.
But for the moment, all I know to do is grab hold of my life as it is right now and give it a gigantic hug and try to bottle up every ounce of it before all these changes happen. I know that embarking on something so wild and unfamiliar takes a whole lot of letting go. But in these last few days before her arrival, all I want to do is soak up the quiet, slow, nap filled moments. I want to write and read and reflect. Then remind myself that at the end of the day, all I can do is have faith that everything will move forward how it should and life...really good juicy life...will just keep happening.
As I tend to do when things get heavy in my head, I wrote a little note to myself so I can look back on it one day and remember this time and remind myself that all will be ok...and being a mama will be the greatest, craziest, most epic adventure yet!
You are living such a splendid life, whether you realize it or not. You have had so many years of independence, explorations, travels, quietness, reflection and indulgences. Don't ever forget how lucky you are to have had this time...33 years! Be grateful for it and be glad that your journals and photos will always take you back to those times when you need a little reminder.
But now, it's your time to be a mama! To share love and learn a new love; to grow your family and teach your little girl about the world. Teach her about being creative and open-minded and brave. Teach her all about food and cooking and culture. You will be so good at this, and so will Tony! On the tough days, be patient and gentle with yourself. Lack of sleep, soreness everywhere, new routines and shifting priorities is going to change you, but hang in there. Don't ever forget that this is an amazing gift that not everyone gets a chance to experience. Be grateful everyday for this, know this is part of God's plan and find peace in that. Treasure the little moments, the smiles, the hugs, the looks. These little gems will pull you through and make you fall deeper in love with the life you have created. You will be ok. You will miss the past, but know it has set you up for where you are and who you are now. You are still strong, capable, full of life, full of art and full of love. You are still YOU. Never ever forget that.
"You can handle anything when you exchange your worries and fears for alertness and spontaneity, when you focus soley on what is in front of you, and when you leap into the shear wonder of the unplanned life." ~ Karen Maezen Miller-Mama Zen
Cheers to new beginnings, new discoveries and new life! You've got this! ♥
If you are a parent, I'm always open for tips, resources, books and inspiration that helped you through this crazy transition! Please leave a comment below...